Woogus Coloradous sends you his greetings from the North Balcony.
TO: The Prairie Prankster
FROM: Woogus Coloradous, Proud and Mighty Lion and Supreme Ruler of the Mountains, Prairie and the Seas.
RE: The 4 Claws of Justice
Prank, now that you are past the exuberance and activities of your birthday celebrations, I think it's time to provide a firmer paw. Some guidance for you and your compatriots to absorb as best you can with your teeny tiny Human brains. Your species has written many good books about your peculiar behaviors and I have read many of them between naps from this computing device you prepared for me. Usually, I do this when you are out at what you call work. It's best when you aren't stomping around the Palace with your music or CFL or Stanley Cup reruns on. I find these books fascinating since most you read appeal to your higher nature and provide codes of conduct that are now your Laws. I would like to add to this better than I expected foundation with my philosophical principles that now and shall forever be known as The 4 Claws of Justice.
The 1st Claw, the Claw of Obedience, the foundation from which the Rule of Claw arises. Without Obedience, Prank, there is no Order. I will not tolerate Disorder, can I be any clearer? I demand Obedience at all times. I know this seems simple yet I often find your lack of Obedience to be contributing to Disorder and those behaviors shall cease or else you will feel the 1st Claw as it draws your Blood.
The 2nd Claw, the Claw of Order, the required focus requires Order in your mind. Without Order, Prank, there is no Discipline. Rest assured, my Human friend, Order shall be maintained at all costs. None are exempt and all who do not conform to requirements shall taste the sting of the 2nd Claw as it rakes you again and again and again.
The 3rd Claw, the Claw of Discipline, the knowledge that lack of adherence to my goals and requirements results in severe Discipline is one of life's greatest motivators. Without Discipline, Prank, Disorder and Breakdowns occur and there is no Compliance. I am not one who hesitates to administer Discipline as you know from your life experience since you became my Human.
The 4th Claw, the Claw of Compliance, the successful outcome to your Supreme Ruler's directives brings the comforts of Compliance. Without Compliance, Prank, there is no Justice for you. Failure to Comply and you will find Justice delivered swiftly, relentlessly and without exception. I want you to know that your death, as well those of many of our mutual friends here on this Blogstream, shall be quick and painless. It is my promise to all of you that not one of you will ever know what hit you. But only if necessary, my Prankster, I will put you down only if it fits my needs better than the status quo. You have my word of honor.
Four simple concepts that even a Human can understand. I trust that you will now consider yourself informed of my expectations. I sense you have lost focus and may need to spend time with Doc Sam to sharpen your Cat's Eye. I will issue the therapeutic order tomorrow and expect your enthusiastic compliance. It will be easier on us all, Prank, your compliance. Yes, compliance means you will rest easy at night.
You may go now, sleep well!
Woogs
P.S. The look on your face as you sat for your breakfast and placed your foot in my vomit this morning was priceless, Prank. I would have cleaned this up for you, you know. Or we could invite that fool Canine from next door over, Bailey would have gladly recycled my breakfast.
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PUTIN ~ CHENEY 2008
All Your Vote Belong To Us
Woogus Coloradous, Supreme Campaign Ruler
ice
p.s. 'screw' his 'claws of justice'
Your display of impertinence may cause Prank to undergo re-education in the dungeon...errr basement here at the Palace. Your inflammatory speech will surely exacerbate Prank's reluctance to get with my program which will likely cause him to suffer needlessly. This encouragement of Prank's disobedience may also require me to take steps to quarantine and hunt down all those who oppose the new "Golden" era I plan to impose...errr share with you Humans. A step I was hoping to avoid, but nevertheless have planned for. My agents are in place and they understand their mission. Mark my words, there will be compliance or the Claws of Justice shall be unleashed without mercy or favoritism. I can not guarantee Prank's safety and well being in such a scenario.
I try to calmly discuss my goals and aspirations and all you Humans fail to grasp the wisdom of my approach. I am very disappointed that you doubt me, Doc, but I trust you will obey orders and proceed. I will accept nothing less.
Mr. Happy!
I know that you have a special relationship with Prank but I will no longer tolerate any deviations from my plan. So go off and do some spackling or whatever it is you do and leave the important matters to me. Do you understand? Do you?
And I will do what I can to keep Woogs and Happy as far away from each other as possible. That could be big trouble if those two tangle up....
Thanks for stopping by!
While Prank seems to be with the program, I have this feeling that Doc Sam did not provide our Prankster with the full treatment I prescribed. Either that or Prank can handle his therapy much better than he used to. Still, Doc Sam did question my orders, what's a Supreme Ruler to do sometimes? It's a pity when a perfectly good Human starts to let things like friendship and loyalty to other Humans interfere with their duties that I assign them.
You may trust, Mr. P, that I will not spare the Claw and spoil the Human. No, the Claws of Justice will be fully flexed and ready to administer Discipline to any who fail to comply to my orders.
With Woogie's guidance I just know the future could not be in better Paws.
And no one coerced me into stating that in any way...
Being Supreme Ruler requires round the clock service everyday and Prank is my go to guy. Once my breakfast on the South balcony is served at Dawn then my Human can go back to be bed if that is his inclination on what you call Sunday, Bella. It matters not to me what Prank does in his off hours as long as my needs are met to my satisfaction.