FROM: Woogus Coloradous, Proud and Mighty Lion and Supreme Ruler of the Mountains, Prairie and the Seas.
RE: Let me make this easy for all of us
Prank, it has come to my attention that there is an election occurring to determine your President when Hockey season starts. Why spoil the start of a brand new Hockey season? This election foolishness again so soon? Did Humans not decide your leader four of what you call years ago? Some "buyers" remorse, eh? I understand the need for Humans to change better than anyone, but why waste time and precious resources with another election between idiots? Do you honestly think the Humans who bother to participate will make a better choice this time? On what facts would you base this optimism? The track record is not very good, is it?
Such a Human notion, this election business, unsuitable it is what with all this needless campaigning and voting and what you call debates devoted to deciding the will of the people. The will of the people, Prank? It sounds more like Humanoid mob rule to me. Unruly, unfocused and inefficient. All too Humanocentric, with no consideration given for those who allow you to share this planet with us. Prank, I will take care of this leadership nonsense for all of you. You Humans are one of my favorite species and so very useful in my employ. Clever you are, granted, not as clever as us Felines, but far more nimble mentally than the drooling, noble Canine, the tenacious and swift Lemur or those foul smelling, chattering idiot Squirrels. Far more indeed.
As my gift to all my Human friends, I think it best that I select your President. A leader who can maintain domestic order, manage the media and who can punish those who merit it in all corners of this Earth. A Human who is now Prime Minister of two of your countries. A Human, whom when paired with his Vice-President, will do whatever is necessary to maintain Global order or calm the heartbreak of media agitation. A team that will implement my recommendations and requirements and impose the peacefulness you deserve by monitoring every moment of your lives for your safety. All seeing, all knowing, to help you serve the good of all more productively.
The Humans that will serve me as your President shall be Vladi Putin and Dick Cheney shall remain as your Vice-President. A team that I trust will serve relentlessly, ruthlessly and efficently. Rest assured, your tax dollars shall be well spent to my wishes. Never lose sight that your compliance is your duty and your eternal mission, Prank.
Very good then, you can go now, it's time for my mid-day nap cycle....
Woogs
P.S. This musical interlude reflects my recent experiences on the North balcony, Prank. I expect that the proper measures shall be taken to insure my naps are not interrupted.
The B52's ~ Big Bird 14 May 1983 ~ Dortmund, Germany
There's a big bird over my house
Go away, go away
There's a big bird flying over my house
And it looks like it's decided to stay
It's making a mistake...a big mistake
Big bird
Big bird
Big bird
Big bird
I pinch myself
I think I'm dreaming
I'm not
I hear screaming!
C'mon! Get it out now
Wants to use me to feather its nest
Now it wants the rest
It's swooping from the branch
It's swooping from the sky
Spreadin' its feathers
Cuttin' out-flying
There's a big gray bird flying over my house
What do you think I am?
I'm not a louse!
There's a big bird over my house
There's a big, big, big bird
Over my house
What's it doing?
What does it want?
What's it doing?
What does it want?
What's it doing?
What does it want?
I pinch myself
I think I'm dreaming
I'm not...I hear screaming!
C'mon! Let it out now
Wants to use me to feather its nest
Now it wants the rest
It's swooping from the branch
Swooping from the sky
Spreadin' its feathers
Cuttin' out-flying
There's a big gray bird circling
'Round my house
Circling 'round and 'round
Circling 'round my house
There's a big bird over my house
There's a big, big, big bird
Over my house
Woogs. Being the supreme ruler that you are....I am humbling asking if you could make one other request in regards to sports seasons.
You see, there is a sports fanatic in my house. Not just any sports fanatic, but the nut job kind that come from Buffalo, NY. Where the colder it is and the more snow, the better it is to be watching football at the stadium.
With that said, a required trip to Buffalo must occur each year to attend both a hockey and football game. Unfortunately, this requires a trip to Buffalo during the snowiest times of the year....and I know how you will sympathize with me about the snow.
Can you see about maybe moving the start of these seasons up by a month or so?
Thank you your Highness. Any press you give this crucial matter will be much appreciated.
by chandabear (PM , CC ) on Saturday July 5, 2008 @ 12:46 PM
Yes, chandabear, you came to the ultimate Decider for a situation such as yours. What would Woogus Coloradous do?
For you see, I am familiar with Mr. Buffalo's instinctual yearning to return to the place where he was calved. Many creatures have this quirk, including those very tasty Salmon....hmmmm, I think I will have Prank adjust the morning service tomorrow. Sunday Salmon, I like the sound of that. Yes, that would be most agreeable...
Sorry for my digressions. Yes, what to do about this seasonal problem. I have the same problem with Prank. While he can keep the temperatures inside the New Palace fairly amenable most of the time, he is not always so effective with the weather outside. Some days it seems that he really nails it, and then there's the snow days. And while I appreciate that Prank usually follows those snowy episodes with spectacular sunny days, I just wish he would ditch the snow in the first place.
Football and Hockey are the opiate of the male Human, chandabear. It's is closely tied to their DNA. If we tinker with the dates there will be a shift in the cosmos and DNA sequencing that could have consequences that even my good friend Vladi Putin couldn't control.
While I have influence over what you know as Earth, there are forces beyond this Earth that are beyond mere Human comprehension. Many of you Humans do try to understand and it is greatly appreciated, this I know.
What I can, and will, do is direct Prank to study the situation in what most know as Buffalo and demand his recommendation and compliance to modify the local weather closer to your specifications without upsetting the cosmic balance. Then you and your Mr. Buffalo can visit his calving grounds in weather more suitable to your desires. Prank will make this so or pay the consequences, you have my word that he shall be well motivated.
by Prank (PM , CC ) on Saturday July 5, 2008 @ 5:34 PM
Prank, I don't want any excuses. You will perform to my specifications, no snow in Buffalo until after Ms. Bear and Mr. Buffalo visit his calving grounds this Winter.
I can see you are most insightful, Sherry, and your keen eye shall be rewarded. I'd rather let my Humans and Elephants do the heavy lifting while I set the vision and policy. Vladi and Dick will keep the streets clean, the order restored, the Squirrels will be eliminated and all shall be well. Then I can adhere to my 19 hours a day nap regimen which has kept me in such good health. As I enter my 14th Human year I still feel like a kitten. Fit as a fiddle and my claws sharp as razors. My litter box is clean and deep. Every morning I eat under the blue sky and survey my Domain. Yessssssssss, life is gooooooooooood....
by Zappa Fan (PM , CC ) on Sunday July 6, 2008 @ 1:00 AM
It's very good to see you, ZF!
There's hamburger all over the highway up near Cheyenne today and all roads to Boulder are tits deep in tofu. It's been a weekend like few others...be well and I hope to catch up with ya before the Comet returns!
by Prank (PM , CC ) on Sunday July 6, 2008 @ 4:55 PM
Hellooooo Bella,
I won't let Woogie play his Feline mind games with me. Oh no, not gonna happen. Cat's Eye? So what, he never blinks and wins all the staring contests. BFD....
Hope you are having a great weekend. I caught the Cherry Creek arts festival this morning in Denver, Wimbledon on the telly plus a neighbor's party Saturday (and they want me to come back sometime and not just for restitution) and some fireworks from the south balcony Friday. A very, very fine weekend with lots of good eatin'. Makes me realize how much I enjoy and value where I live, even when things doesn't always go right. We get a shot to make a new start tomorrow.
by Bella (PM , CC ) on Sunday July 6, 2008 @ 5:13 PM
Prank, I am a results oriented Supreme Ruler. I expect perfection, even from those as imperfect as you, how can you expect me to expect less of you? I will accept nothing less, you shall meet the standards I set or feel the Claws of Obedience take their toll, more or less, it's up to you. I have been training you for almost 14 of your years and now it's time to see the payback, nevertheless.
by -ice- (PM , CC ) on Sunday July 6, 2008 @ 6:13 PM
Hey ice!
Good to see you, man.
After 13 years of Life at the Palace under the iron pawed rule of the Woogie Cat, I can honestly say that pretty much nothing could faze me at this point on the time line. Things will get back to normal after the upcoming Energy Wars, the supply demand imbalance will be resolved one way or another and there will be lots more room for everybody left.
Then Woogie will rule for 7 golden years and Mickey Mantle shall rise from the dead and Humanity will move to an as yet un-named planet or planetoid to be named later. At least, that's what they told me last time I was on the Comet...
by Prank (PM , CC ) on Sunday July 6, 2008 @ 6:54 PM
So, what if we use HOCKEY to make the presidential decision? Can the coincidence of timing be completely accidental? No. It is ordained that Obama will meet McCain in full goalie gear at the center line, a la Roy & Osgood.
Can you see it? McCain might have a McTemper, but he would be face down on the ice in seconds, baby. And President Obama would be skating back to the crease to chest-bump with Veep Napolitano.
by Anexplorer (PM , CC ) on Tuesday July 8, 2008 @ 3:46 PM
No need for suicide, Anexplorer. Vladi Putin started with Russia, then he added Belarus to his portfolio. Look how well they are doing!
Commanding the United States should not be problem for our man Vladi and is the precursor to the biggest prize of all. The jewel of North America will soon be within grasp, yes indeed, I speak of Canada. With Vladi and Dick firmly ensconced and running North America then I can focus on more important issues such as my nap rotation cycle and morning breakfast service planning with Prank and his staff.
No Whit, I think Prank is better suited to run the Department of Underpants...
Thank you for your uncoerced, voluntary and totally spontaneous endorsement. Not to worry, your loved ones have been well treated and should be home by the time you read this...
Yessss, I like the sound of President Woogus but I have far more important issues. My paws are full enough as it is, what with managing Prank and Doc Sam and their minions. A Supreme Ruler's work is never done...
Now now, Whispered Promise, you know I would never let harm come near you or your lovely family. As you know, I promise all those I favor with quick, painless and quite surprising termination when it is required for those hopelessly out of compliance.
Vladi and Dick will serve me as caretakers for the Americas. But you are free to let me know if you have any complaints about their service, qualitative or quantitative. I will address them vigorously, you have my word, Cat's Honor!
Very well then, I should rest my paws and find a good spot on the north balcony, it's time for my late afternoon nap series to begin.....
Thank you for providing Prank with some refresher therapy, Doc Sam. Sometimes our Prankster drifts and loses the Cat's Eye edge that keeps him from peril, I'm sure time spent in the dungeon...err, basement undergoing stern therapy was just what the Woogie ordered, so to speak.
by Prank (PM , CC ) on Thursday July 10, 2008 @ 5:34 PM
I think you are on to something, ValCarla, and an electoral system as you describe would, I believe, lift up the American people rather than polarize. And just like in Hockey, at the end of the game everybody shakes hands and then has some beers afterward. Thanks for the excellent suggestion.
Many Blogstream members are there
already! Quotes from members: "It's like blog lite!" -- "I like the instant
gratification!" -- "Stop spectating, get in the game!"
If you have not joined in, you are really missing out!
You see, there is a sports fanatic in my house. Not just any sports fanatic, but the nut job kind that come from Buffalo, NY. Where the colder it is and the more snow, the better it is to be watching football at the stadium.
With that said, a required trip to Buffalo must occur each year to attend both a hockey and football game. Unfortunately, this requires a trip to Buffalo during the snowiest times of the year....and I know how you will sympathize with me about the snow.
Can you see about maybe moving the start of these seasons up by a month or so?
Thank you your Highness. Any press you give this crucial matter will be much appreciated.
For you see, I am familiar with Mr. Buffalo's instinctual yearning to return to the place where he was calved. Many creatures have this quirk, including those very tasty Salmon....hmmmm, I think I will have Prank adjust the morning service tomorrow. Sunday Salmon, I like the sound of that. Yes, that would be most agreeable...
Sorry for my digressions. Yes, what to do about this seasonal problem. I have the same problem with Prank. While he can keep the temperatures inside the New Palace fairly amenable most of the time, he is not always so effective with the weather outside. Some days it seems that he really nails it, and then there's the snow days. And while I appreciate that Prank usually follows those snowy episodes with spectacular sunny days, I just wish he would ditch the snow in the first place.
Football and Hockey are the opiate of the male Human, chandabear. It's is closely tied to their DNA. If we tinker with the dates there will be a shift in the cosmos and DNA sequencing that could have consequences that even my good friend Vladi Putin couldn't control.
While I have influence over what you know as Earth, there are forces beyond this Earth that are beyond mere Human comprehension. Many of you Humans do try to understand and it is greatly appreciated, this I know.
What I can, and will, do is direct Prank to study the situation in what most know as Buffalo and demand his recommendation and compliance to modify the local weather closer to your specifications without upsetting the cosmic balance. Then you and your Mr. Buffalo can visit his calving grounds in weather more suitable to your desires. Prank will make this so or pay the consequences, you have my word that he shall be well motivated.
Woogs
Sherry
I thought the elections amused you, are you sure you really want to call them off?
I love the B-52's - Have a great weekend - and keep flying
There's hamburger all over the highway up near Cheyenne today and all roads to Boulder are tits deep in tofu. It's been a weekend like few others...be well and I hope to catch up with ya before the Comet returns!
Woogie's ears perk up with that B52's song, he gets all freaky when I put it on...
I won't let Woogie play his Feline mind games with me. Oh no, not gonna happen. Cat's Eye? So what, he never blinks and wins all the staring contests. BFD....
Hope you are having a great weekend. I caught the Cherry Creek arts festival this morning in Denver, Wimbledon on the telly plus a neighbor's party Saturday (and they want me to come back sometime and not just for restitution) and some fireworks from the south balcony Friday. A very, very fine weekend with lots of good eatin'. Makes me realize how much I enjoy and value where I live, even when things doesn't always go right. We get a shot to make a new start tomorrow.
Be well, Bella....Ciao!
I could vote for him. It'd be nice to have a 'choice' again...
ice
Good to see you, man.
After 13 years of Life at the Palace under the iron pawed rule of the Woogie Cat, I can honestly say that pretty much nothing could faze me at this point on the time line. Things will get back to normal after the upcoming Energy Wars, the supply demand imbalance will be resolved one way or another and there will be lots more room for everybody left.
Then Woogie will rule for 7 golden years and Mickey Mantle shall rise from the dead and Humanity will move to an as yet un-named planet or planetoid to be named later. At least, that's what they told me last time I was on the Comet...
Can you see it? McCain might have a McTemper, but he would be face down on the ice in seconds, baby. And President Obama would be skating back to the crease to chest-bump with Veep Napolitano.
Politics could be so much more interesting.......
Let's have Woogie for President and you for Secretary of State. What a great combination.
You scare me sometimes!
Commanding the United States should not be problem for our man Vladi and is the precursor to the biggest prize of all. The jewel of North America will soon be within grasp, yes indeed, I speak of Canada. With Vladi and Dick firmly ensconced and running North America then I can focus on more important issues such as my nap rotation cycle and morning breakfast service planning with Prank and his staff.
Thank you for your uncoerced, voluntary and totally spontaneous endorsement. Not to worry, your loved ones have been well treated and should be home by the time you read this...
Yessss, I like the sound of President Woogus but I have far more important issues. My paws are full enough as it is, what with managing Prank and Doc Sam and their minions. A Supreme Ruler's work is never done...
Vladi and Dick will serve me as caretakers for the Americas. But you are free to let me know if you have any complaints about their service, qualitative or quantitative. I will address them vigorously, you have my word, Cat's Honor!
Very well then, I should rest my paws and find a good spot on the north balcony, it's time for my late afternoon nap series to begin.....
Prank, are you awake yet? I see you moving...
Doc Sam returned about then too...
So nice that you visited, cheers!
I sure hope that makes everyone very very Happy!
Mr. Happy!
Hope you and Prank had a Happy Birthday.