TO: The Prairie Prankster

FROM: Woogus Coloradous, Proud and Mighty Lion and Supreme Ruler of the Mountains, Prairie and the Seas.

RE: Tribulations, annoyances and Woogie-care benefits for the Prankster

What is it with you? It's as if once you get one of your many tribulations put to rest then another pops right up in front of you. Well, my Friend, your life is full of challenges, isn't it? You know it's good for you, Prank, injustices such as this keeps you on your toes. Alert and deeply paranoid is a very good state of mind for you to be in, it seems to me.

Of course, your unpleasant interlude pales in comparison to the indignities I endured while you were catered to 24/7 in that plush jail house. Yes, I can see it in my Cat's Eye, the image of you lazily watching your football in a comfy cell in your orange jumpsuit and gray sox and rubber shoes. Why you even have your litter bowl right next to where your head lies whilst you sleep, and it's nice and airy so you can converse with your cell mate and passer's by all propped up on that metal seat. For it is I, Woogus Coloradous, who is the true victim of all this Human ineptitude that tore you from the Palace. No one came to serve me, Prank. No one came to check on my water. You failed to honor my requests for a Royal litter box to be placed on all 3 floors of the New Palace. All I got was laughed at by you and your two legged compatriots as you mocked me while watching your fool Hockey games. But then something happened to you and I had nothing more than a single Royal litter box for your Super Bowl weekend with no one to maintain the pristine conditions I demand. And I have yet to mention the lack of fresh food service. All I ate was dry for three days, Prank. A pity since your morning food service is the stuff of legend, even those two fool Labrador Canines we used to manage over at the old Palace would brag about the quality and high levels of service you have consistently provided. Yet you failed to make preparations so that my needs and wants were attended to properly during your vacation time. I am deeply disappointed in you. Imagine my horror and dismay and annoyance finding my morning Breakfast Al Fresco on the South balcony postponed with no notice or alternatives. And not just once mind you, but for three days in a row, Prank!

Our attorneys tell me that soon your legal situation will be free and clear just as I said it would. You were wise to sign over your power of attorney to me in November. Yes, the Human lawyer tells me that there's no more play time at the pen for you. Now keep in mind that I am sympathetic to your situation. You were treated rudely, Prank, as I have been when you've thrown me in that foul cage and took me to that sadist posing as a Veterinarian. Let's make our lives easy. What with Doc Sam living in the basement amongst his greenery, his 14 weeks of comprehensive, offshore medical training and knowledge going to waste, why not let Doc Sam take over our medical care? He could use the money and he's here already. I know you were not satisfied with Doc's care a few years back when I had to take things over for you. But he's learned his lesson, Prank, yes, that Doc knows what's what and you have my word, paw over my heart, that I will likely never direct Doc Sam to harm you unless it is necessary for me to achieve my goals. There you go, my Friend, low cost health care in the comfort of your own Palace and peace of mind. Can it get any better than this, can it?

You may go now,

Woogs