TO: The Prairie Prankster
FROM: Woogie The Cat, Proud and Mighty Lion and Supreme Ruler of the Mountains, Prairie and the Seas.
RE: October observations and new requirements
When I stand at the back balcony door you should not assume I want to go out onto the back balcony, Prank. No, in many cases I really want to go onto the front balcony. Of course, if the weather is better on the back balcony I would prefer to be there. But it seems to me that it is wiser to check both balconies first for their respective weather conditions before I decide to pick which is best for naps. There are cases where neither balcony has acceptable weather and therefore I may need to check one or both balconies many, many times over the course of the day. I would prefer that you leave both balcony doors wide open which would make it easier for you and I. Your choice seems easy to me. Either you adjust the weather on the balconies to my satisfaction or leave both doors open, better yet, do both, Prank.
Eliminate all Squirrels. We must take action quickly and decisively to prevent any further infestations of these disease riddled, moronic vermin on or near the New Palace grounds. Their insolence and inane chattering interrupt my nap cycle when I am out on the balconies. You know how I get when I don't complete my afternoon nap cycle. Those foolish, idiot, disrespectful Squirrels, a bunch of Hamster wannabes they are, Prank. There is no useful purpose for their existence, nope, no useful purpose. Use your cell phone device to speak to that Human they call Dick Cheney, I bet he will know exactly what to do and how to do it. Look at how well he's done with your Wars. If this Human Cheney is unavailable then call my good Human friend you know as Putin, yes, Vlad would very suitable for this task too.
Your performance during the morning food service has improved after I issued my Five Unacceptables memo in September, especially since you introduced Shrimp to the menu. I must say, I was pleasantly surprised for a change and want to assure you that my vomiting on the stairs was due to my great enjoyment of this meal. I would have cleaned it up if you had left it there, it's even better the second time, Prank. Yes, pre-chewed and all that. You silly Humans always take vomit as a bad thing, even those dull, drooling Canines can get their heads around this concept. Ever notice how quick Canines are to lap down their sloppy seconds? And for good reason. Only you Humans react as if eating one's own vomit was a problem, all that good food going to waste while so many of you are hungry. You are a hard species to figure sometimes, yes, hard to figure.
I know it has been difficult for you this month, Prank. What with your Father and his illness. I feel for you, yes, I do. So to help with your piece of mind I will share one of my favorite Human musical treats. Yes, below is my contribution to your Saturday Night Fever music that you like to share with your friends here. This way you can relax and watch that panel on the wall that displays your sporting events. Enjoy this evening and I hope your baseballers prevail and that you derive satisfaction from your games.
Woogs
